it's been eleven months. Eleven months, since the boy i loved admitted he didn't love me and left. Eleven months that ive been single, and eleven months that I've been alone. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. I miss him. The old him of course, not the new druggie/junkie/sex addict him. It sounds cliche when people say that there will always be one person that you will never get over,but its true,and he's mine. I think im doing pretty good without anyone. But i think the reason i havent "moved on from him" is because I have no one to move on to. I dont want a fling, or something meaningless. I want to build something up, something strong,something that has the possibility of,dare I say it,love. I want someone who wants me, someone who likes my quirkiness,someone who i can actually talk to, someone who wants to hug me and have snug sessions. I guess i just want "the perfect boy" which doesn't exsist, i know that, but I still cant seem to get over the fact that i want that. But on the other hand, I dont want perfection. I loved his flaws, some of them are what made me love him. I want someone who messes up, someone who needs help sometimes and wants help sometimes. I find myself attracted to boys who remind me of him, and i always thought that was bad, maybe even unhealthy, but maybe those boys just happen to fall under my "type", you know? I secretly hate everyone in a relationship, serious, or not. They have something I don't. They have feelings to give, and they're lucky enough to get to recieve someone else's feelings, I've never had that pleasure. Its just weird to think back seeing myself being so excited to celebrate our one year, and now ive been alone for that same amount of time. It's crazy. Oh,listen to me, I'm so pathetic.

So we all know, i dont really talk to boys, i dont hang out with boys, whatevs maybe i should switch teams. Im happy, i am. Like i always say,im just lonely sometimes. And at homecoming the other nightm i took a picture with this boy, i put my arm aroudn his shoulder and smiled for the camera, then he put his arm around my waist and pulled me in tight, it was such a wierd feeling, i hadnt been touched my a boy in ages, not even a hug, i kinda felt this like heart rush, it was crazy, i dont even like this boy, well as a friend i do. It was a nice feeling, it makes me kind of miss having someone to just hug, someone who only hugs me. yaaaaaaaaaah know? Itll happen eventually but i dont know im just impatient =|. I want a kiss, HA besides doms, i kissed her the other day. I like being single like i said, i just wish i had that person i could call, a bootycall would be nice