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Sunday, 14 March 2010

  • the idea of day 500

    I watched (500) days of summer again tonight. That movie fits me perfectly. However I have the feelings of Tom, not Summer. He believes in love and wants it so badly. He falls in love with someone who doesn't love him. He gets broken, shattered even. All the signs were the same, all the feelings, all the fun. Love can be so wonderful. But, it can cause so much pain, it's almost rediculous. Think, how can something that makes you feel better than you've ever felt make you feel like nothing. Its a crazy thing, that love. It took 500 days to get over Summer, so im going to apply that to my life as well. However I'm already on day 474, i dont have that much more to go. I feel if i don't have at least a little spark by day 500, i'm going to give up on looking, expecting something to happen. 26 days to go. Seeing Tom, made me realize I don't think i want what i thought i did, trust me it makes sense. I thought i wanted love. And maybe I still do. Seeing Tom in love and how hurt he was that Summer didn't love him back, it hurts to watch. But now im thinking, well since I've already fallen in love with someone who never did and never will love me, maybe that only happens once and the next time I fall in love, I'll be loved back. It's clear I'm still lost, confused, figuring what I want out. But its's at least some clarity. Oh dear
  • eleven

    it's been eleven months. Eleven months, since the boy i loved admitted he didn't love me and left. Eleven months that ive been single, and eleven months that I've been alone. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. I miss him. The old him of course, not the new druggie/junkie/sex addict him. It sounds cliche when people say that there will always be one person that you will never get over,but its true,and he's mine. I think im doing pretty good without anyone. But i think the reason i havent "moved on from him" is because I have no one to move on to. I dont want a fling, or something meaningless. I want to build something up, something strong,something that has the possibility of,dare I say it,love. I want someone who wants me, someone who likes my quirkiness,someone who i can actually talk to, someone who wants to hug me and have snug sessions. I guess i just want "the perfect boy" which doesn't exsist, i know that, but I still cant seem to get over the fact that i want that. But on the other hand, I dont want perfection. I loved his flaws, some of them are what made me love him. I want someone who messes up, someone who needs help sometimes and wants help sometimes. I find myself attracted to boys who remind me of him, and i always thought that was bad, maybe even unhealthy, but maybe those boys just happen to fall under my "type", you know? I secretly hate everyone in a relationship, serious, or not. They have something I don't. They have feelings to give, and they're lucky enough to get to recieve someone else's feelings, I've never had that pleasure. Its just weird to think back seeing myself being so excited to celebrate our one year, and now ive been alone for that same amount of time. It's crazy. Oh,listen to me, I'm so pathetic.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

  • i wanna i wanna

    so after reading amandas post i was inspired to write this one hehe

     

    i want this gloomy weather to go away

    i want someone to like me

    i want to feel wanted

    i want someone to think about me

    i want someone to LOVE me, for once.

    i want to be happy

    i want to feel pretty

    i want my teeth to be nice looking

    i want to destroy

    i want to get my license

    i want to learn how to play the acoustic guitar

    i want to kiss someone, for the first time in 6 months.

    i want a job

    i dont want all these things in a selfish way, i just belive they'll make me happy

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

  • booty

    So we all know, i dont really talk to boys, i dont hang out with boys, whatevs maybe i should switch teams. Im happy, i am. Like i always say,im just lonely sometimes. And at homecoming the other nightm i took a picture with this boy, i put my arm aroudn his shoulder and smiled for the camera, then he put his arm around my waist and pulled me in tight, it was such a wierd feeling, i hadnt been touched my a boy in ages, not even a hug, i kinda felt this like heart rush, it was crazy, i dont even like this boy, well as a friend i do. It was a nice feeling, it makes me kind of miss having someone to just hug, someone who only hugs me. yaaaaaaaaaah know? Itll happen eventually but i dont know im just impatient =|. I want a kiss, HA besides doms, i kissed her the other day. I like being single like i said, i just wish i had that person i could call, a bootycall would be nice

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

  • do whatever, im just matter taking up space

    home doesnt feel like home. Home is a place thats a safe haven somewhere you go to relax, have your own space, be happy. Things are getting bad in this home, no ones happy here, ever, i mean literally ever. I cant even get my mom to sit down with me, i ask and she walks out mumblimg so she doesnt have to think up an excuse. Dad get mads way to easily. I just got over the biggest fuckups of my life, i was generally happy, ive been feeling accomplished, doing good in shop, school, vball and dance, but im the only one whos proud of me, im the only one i can talk to about it, or anything for that matter, maybe thats why a boy would be nice. but i dont need one, i really dont, sometimes it would just be nice, anyway, today was good, tonight sucked, my client was good and so was shop.We lost our game, surprise?! nope. i didnt play this one but thats okay, varsity lost too. Then i had to go to dance and my body was breaking down, i almost dislocated my knee, its fine now but it hurt like an SOB, anyway all i have to say is fuckit

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cantget_out

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    • Name: cantget_out
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/7/2009

About Me

  • ive been bruised, ive been continuously kicked down, ive been broken, but i wont transform, i wont be ruined.